Daters Listen Up! Stop Being So Damn Gullible in Relationships!

 

jaquetta 

Jaquetta Stevens aka Ms. Opinionated

01/11/2016

 

 Daters Listen Up! Stop Being So Damn Gullible in Relationships!

Gullible men and women seem to struggle so much in relationships.  I look at it this way, if you got played; It is sometimes best because you were that damn stupid to believe what you heard.  Men tell women different things every single day of the week. The same thing happens to men because women do it too.  Women are so caught up in making a man believe that she is what they have been looking for all their life that she misses the point that he should love and appreciate her for who she is. Sex on the first date should never be an option, for individuals who cannot keep your legs closed or their dicks in their pants, maybe your should practice on that more.

        It almost seems as if you have to get a disease to understand truly that you cannot just go out and sleep with any man or woman when you have no earthly idea where they have been. Most get upset when subjects like this is mentioned because ultimately they have no self-control or possibly have a serious addiction that they need therapy for.  I have learned through the years  that one of the biggest addictions that a person can have is not being able to admit their faults. It is a sickness that is very difficult to cure. Unlike most, I am not afraid to speak the truth and tell you how it is.  As a therapist, I have seen and have heard different types of issues when it comes to relationships.

      In addition, I have found it is very difficult for people to just be honest and straight to the point. I know a woman who dated a man for ten years, and she dreaded sex because her husband’s dick was not pleasing. This does not mean that there could not have been anything done to help her sex life, It was never laid out on the table for discussion. I am sure there could have been ways to make it better, but if she never mentioned she was not getting satisfied then how can it be solved?  Instead, this woman decided to go outside her home and had sex with a man she knew at work. The man she was married to was supposed to be her all and her only right? Well seems like all that went out the window when she felt she needed her sexual needs covered.

          One thing that I find very difficult to accept is when a man or woman beg someone to marry them, or even agree to a marriage to later down the year’s cheat. If you plan to cheat or have sex with other people do not take vows in marriage. There was also another situation where there was a man who was married for twenty years, had two kids, and claimed that he loved his wife. He and his wife got into a bad patch in their relationship and arguments fueled greatly. He then decides to go out to a bar, have drinks because of his unhappiness, and ended up sleeping with a woman he met at the bar. Four years later, he was divorced and paying child support for five kids. Twenty years gone down the drain, relationships broken with his children, and this is all because he could not control his anger. In addition, put his selfishness aside, keep his dick in his pants, and deal with his problems in a more appropriate way.

      When we do things like this, we are showing how truly selfish we can be. In addition, we are showing how much we care for the other person. We can say we love a person every day of the year, but the truth of the matter is, you are not that man or woman. When the trials and temptations come this is when you can prove how much you love your wife or husband. I have seen people married for three years to realize they were never in love. Why do you do this to yourselves?  I know when you first meet that special someone, everything does seem to be great, but the truth of the matter is, you still have no idea who this person is or what their motives are. Most of the time when you first meet someone, they are not showing you their true face. I think of it as they are wearing makeup they are covering the blemishes so that you cannot see the troubled areas.

       To be honest, I have no idea why men and women play this type of game. Hiding these troubled areas seems to be ridiculous and extremely immature. I would rather know the flaws as well as the good things when I meet someone. There are times that a man or a woman will go on a date and ramble on how they  got out of a bad relationship and tell only how they felt violated. The sad part is because we like this person; we seem to believe and take sides that the other party was the one all wrong.  To be honest, most of the time the person you are getting to know were the main problem in that relationship. I am telling you now so you will not waste ten years to discover after your married that they have issues.

         One thing I take serious and stand by no matter what. Never go into a relationship with someone who has a ton of baggage. A little is fine, but sometimes too much can be a problem.  Women and men have to understand when you meet a certain partner who has kids you will deal with the baby mamma drama as well as the  child from heaven or hell. Most men and women who have kids expect you to be a mom or a dad type, they want you to be that someone who they feel could help them along the way. If you are going to jump into a challenge like this think about the pros and the cons.

      One thing is you will never be that child’s mother or father. Secondly, you will have to deal with later the spoil child who a mother or a father does not know how to check. Then you will find yourself fed up and tired of being a mother or a father to a disrespectful child that is not yours. It is best to find someone you can start fresh with especially if you want children. However, if you decided to get involved with a man or woman who has children, you may have better luck with someone who has adult children who do not act like a five-year-old. Time again I find women and men begging someone to marry them. Most of these individuals have kids; if they have not agreed to the situation, that is a great thing because they could be saving you from a major mistake. 

         I am not saying that all kids from a relationship are bad, but nine times out of ten that child has been in a situation where they are fighting for attention. Children like this will do anything to get it; This means it’s likely that they may be an accomplice for breaking up a new marriage between their mother or father.  I know this may be a little hard to take as you read, but it’s much needed because the truth is the truth whether you like it or not. Yes! Children will lie as much as adults in some situations, and this can cause tension in relationships. I know with broken homes where children find their biological parents away from, will allow that child to say and do things to help themselves. All I have to say to this is daters beware!  I have seen far too many times children manipulating their parents relationships, turning them against their partners all because they crave attention.

         The sad part about this all is the parents cannot see through this type of behavior and should correct it as it happens.  If you are a parent and have kids, you must understand this is the case in some instances. If you have children they will probably be the reason you will never find love again.  If you cater to this behavior and give your children the right to destroy what you work so hard for, then you should not be involved with anyone until your child has moved out the house. I understand that we have a love for our children that goes deep than ever, but there must be a balance, and there must be rules when it comes to your happiness. When you have children that does not mean you have to deny yourself pleasure that you desire from time to time with someone special.

            Set the rules for that child so it is clear of what your demands are, and they will understand right away of what you expect of them. When this is done, you will have shown yourself as an authority figure. As I have mentioned before there has to be a balance, everything has to compromise itself in a relationship for it to work.  Meaning, in every aspect whether it be kids, career or romance, there must be an agreement between both parties to accommodate those needs.  We have to remember when we bring people in our lives they are taking time out of their lives to accept what you bring to the table. In addition, the same rules apply to the other party.  However, when you bring more to the table for that person to deal with, you need to be understanding that they did not ask for it, but or willing to be there. In this case, show that special someone who is a part of your life and your children’s life that you appreciate them for being there even if they do not ask that of you.                      

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